My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
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Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
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My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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