I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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