Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
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I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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