I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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