My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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