summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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