the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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