Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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