Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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