no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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