nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
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That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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