No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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