I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize