Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize