Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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