Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
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Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
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Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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