ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im holly from the hills drunk
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize