Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
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