The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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