Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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