I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
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Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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