Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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