laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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