I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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