I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
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I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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