she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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