I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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