i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize