I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
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I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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