either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
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DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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