I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
