No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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