had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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