Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize