Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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