I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize