She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's rum buckets o'clock
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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