That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize