I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
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Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
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