we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
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You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
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Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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