just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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