omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize