the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize