i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize