I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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