Have you finally orgasmed yet?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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