she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize