We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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