yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
