3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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