Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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