I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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