his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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